No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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