Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize