I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
