How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
