we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
