pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
