I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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