I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
