Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
