my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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