whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
