girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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