So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
