I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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