He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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