im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I want is dick and wine.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
