Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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