brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
