Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
