Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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