the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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