And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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