Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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