I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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