he puts the penis in happiness.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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