i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
