I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
