I have demons in me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
