GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
