she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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