This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
