this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
