I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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