Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize