Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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