lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
