I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
