I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize