Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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