Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
