I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize