How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
