: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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