help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
