I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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