i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
