I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize