But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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