I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
