i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
