My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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