just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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