I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize