i permit you to call me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
