No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
