I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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