ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
