what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
