i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
