I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
