It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
