Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
