smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he shaved USA in his pubs
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
