sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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