Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
