why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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