just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
