I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
