the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
